Offensive War

[Sonoko]

We should start a war game.  It has been awhile since we had one.  The posts should be short and insulting.
Everyone join in with whatever you want to post.  I'll go first.

Sonoko knocks Arkard off the ceiling with a huge book.  He makes a soft landing on the carpet but the fall causes his toes to bleed.  "Arkard, you jerk, you got BLOOD on my new beige carpet!  How could you?"  The doorbell rings.  Without waiting for anyone to answer the door, Wolf walks in...

[Arkard the Mad Science Experiment!]

Arkard gets on his knees and starts rubbing his toes into the carpet, getting blood everywhere. "There," he screams at Sonoko, "how do you like that!!!!"

[LifeDebt]

the carpet sighs in displeasure

[Sonoko]

Sonoko hears the sighing of the carpet and starts to cry.   She quickly wipes away the tears so they don’t drip on the lovely carpet.  Running into the kitchen for Resolve Carpet Cleaner, she trips over Wolf and punches him in the nose for being in her way. Blood drips on the foyer tile forming a small dark puddle. With Resolve in hand, Sonoko shakes the can on the way to the computer room.  She sprays Arkard and the carpet in one single shot. Wow…what talent!  Foam oozes into the carpet and Arkard’s hair.  Sonoko styles Arkard’s foamy hair into pigtails.   

[Arkard the Mad Science Experiment!]

Arkard whips his newly-formed pigtails around, wrapping them around Sonoko's feet and tripping her. He then pulls out an electric hair trimmer and shaves her head.

[Quixjote]

As the trimmer gets close to Sonoko's head it sputters and coughs from the fumes of the resolve... resolving not to cut another hair again.. instead the Hair Trimmer wants to mix drinks!

[Sonoko]

Sonoko breathes a sigh of relief as the hair trimmer stops before cutting even one precious hair from her head.
She grabs one of Arkard’s foamy pigtails and pulls him into the foyer next to Wolf.  She waits to see what Wolf will do.  She wonders if Wolf is dead or alive.

[LifeDebt]

A darkwood cabinet in the kitchen slowly creeks itself open.

The toilet seat is very unhappy.

[Sonoko]

((That is not true.  I just cleaned all the toilets yesterday!))

[Arkard the Mad Science Experiment!]

Arkard runs into the bathroom and rips the seat off of the toilet, thus making it even more unhappy. He throws the toilet seat at the open cabinet, slamming the door painfully shut. He then picks up the toilet seat and puts it on the back of Quixjote's wheelchair.

[Hey You]

The ceiling - having previously been encumbered with the obnoxious prankster and then unceremoniously struck by a huge book - begins to rumble over the heads of Arkard and Sonoko.  It also doesn't seem too pleased with the hair trimmer, either.

[LifeDebt]

Amazed at the abuse, the toilet seats heart breaks, and it crumbles to dust.

The carpet consumes the dust and turns neon orange.

[Arkard the Mad Science Experiment!]

Arkard tears off great big chunks of the newly orange carpet, lights them on fire, and, cackling gleefully, throws them at Sonoko. He then flicks his toes at the rumbling ceiling, spattering it with blood.

[Hey You]

Having just had its first taste of blood, the ceiling goes into a rage and begins to collapse on and around Arkard, specifically aiming for his bloody toes (and anything else that may now be bleeding).  Must... have... more... blood!

[Arkard the Mad Science Experiment!]

Arkard starts his famous River Dance of Death. Feet flying everywhere, he kicks the chunks of falling ceiling right back into place and superglues them there. "There!" He screams. "Try falling apart on me now, punk!"