Offensive War

[Sonoko]

Sonoko hides behind Wolf using him as a shield.  He burns up before her eyes.  She jumps on Arkard’s back as he performs his River Dance of Death humming Celtic music as she enjoys the ride. 

[LifeDebt]

clearly upset, and with good reason, at arkard, the orange flaming carpet attempts to entwine arkards feet in its threads

[Arkard the Mad Science Experiment!]

The carpet fails to entangle Arkard, as his feet are moving VERY fast. He then looks at Sonoko when she jumps on him, gaining the one-time ability to read her mind. "Why do you think this music is Celtic, when it is clearly Swedish-Scandinavian-Canadian punk rock?" After losing the ability to read her mind, Arkard throws Sonoko on the ground and dances on her ankles and elbows.

[Sonoko]

Sonoko tickles Arkard's feet, which causes him to pee on the carpet.   She swats him with a newspaper.

[Hey You]

The ceiling uses its newly-found telekinetic ability to lift the recently-soiled River Dancer up to itself, then slams him back down to the ground, aiming for Sonoko (that book hurt, dang it).  It seems that the super glue gave the ceiling a super power (as it is wont to do) - too bad Arkard used all of it.

[Arkard the Mad Science Experiment!]

Arkard decides to show the telekinetic ceiling his mad dancing skills. He waits until he gets very close, then switches his dancing style from River Dancing to Break Dancing! Spinning and hopping faster and faster, he manages to create a vacuum around his feet that sucks the fire from the floor into the air, and the ceiling catches fire. He then breaks free of the telekinetic hold on him with his patented triple-twist hip-hop funky fun flip and lands on the floor, recieving a score of 100 out of 100 from three dance judges who happen to be in the corner.

[Hey You]

As Arkard typed, the ceiling did indeed catch the fire.  It uses its ever-increasing power to form the fire into four equal spheres and tosses one at the show-off dancer, one at the book-thrower, one at the hair trimmer (for the heck of it), and one at the judges (who dared to give Arkard a good review).

[Arkard the Mad Science Experiment!]

Arkard effortlessly avoids the fireball with a vertical 360-degree Albanian squat-flip and laughs. The judges die horribly in a raging inferno, but not before giving the ceiling a score of 10 out of 100 for its unoriginal use of a fireball.

[LifeDebt]

Chippy, the bucked tooth goldfish, who has "learned" to walk on dry land, materializes amongst the ashes and stares vacantly opening and closing his mouth.  The look in his eyes shows intelligence, and a state of dumbfoundedness at the specticale with which he is presented.

[Arkard the Mad Science Experiment!]

Arkard "accidentally" kicks the bucktoothed goldfish in the bucktooth as he lands.

[Sonoko]

Amazed at Arkard’s super dancing abilities Sonoko asks him for dance lessons.  “Do you belly dance too?”
Walking into the kitchen, she accidentally steps on the goldfish’s dorsal fin severely impairing Chippy’s ability to walk.
Removing a freshly made grasshopper pie topped with Cool Whip from the refrigerator, she waltzes back to the evil ceiling and flings the pie upward leaving it stuck to the ceiling.

[Hey You]

The ceiling, still hungry for more blood, decides to eat the green stuff suddenly stuck to it instead.  Mmm.  It was certainly nice of the lady to give him such a tasty snack.   Obviously, the gesture must've been to make up for the book-throwing incident.

Forgetting its blood lust, the ceiling embarks on a mission to sample every flavor from the magic box from which the pie came.  With ease, it pulls the refrigerator out of the kitchen (watch out!), lifts it up, and begins to devour the fridge's contents.  Suddenly, the elevated surface stops eating as it remembers the kind lady gave him the pie.  In an act of benevolence, it takes a random food item (which happens to be a half-full milk jug) and throws it at Sonoko's upper back (the area of the body with which the ceiling assumes humans eat).  Satisfied the woman will like the gift, it continues its feast.

[Sonoko]

Sonoko doesn’t take kindly to being hit in the back with that expensive 100% organic milk.  Now what is she supposed to put on her Raisin Bran?  As she watches, the milk soaks into the carpet.  Her nasty German temper flares turning her into the incredible green hulk.  A HUGE, green fist punches through the ceiling.

[Hey You]

As the monster's hand enters the ceiling, it feels the sensation of cold, mushed-up food.  Various liquids begin leaking down the hulk's arm.  All-in-all, it's quite disgusting.

The ceiling is as confused as it is in pain (in fact probably more so).  It's uncertain of: why the nice lady didn't eat the food it gave her (at least the carpet seemed to enjoy it), how said lady disappeared, and why the gloomy green giant is trying to steal its food (no doubt the monster's motivation for reaching into the ceiling's belly).

Whatever the creature's motivation, it must be taught that such actions are not to be tolerated.  Using the newly-emptied refrigerator as a bat, the ceiling throws Arkard into the air and swings the fridge at him in an attempt to hit the dancer toward the green monster (pun intended).  It then tosses the "bat" at the hulk for good measure.

[Arkard the Mad Science Experiment!]

The refrigerator completely misses Arkard as he performs his famous Limbo slide of sexy hawtness! He picks up Chippy sticks him in a jar full of flammable liquid with a rag, lights the rag on fire using the leftover heat from the burning judges, and throws the jar at the ceiling.