Offensive War

[Arkard the Mad Science Experiment!]

Now covered in solid gold, yet somehow still able to breathe and move normally, Arkard emerges from the storm drain. He manages to steal a fire hose from one of the firemen. Sneaking up right behind Sonoko, he turns the hose on full power. The blast of water is so powerful that it throws Sonoko into the air, and she lands in a tree and gets tangled up in the branches. Unfortunately, this tree happens to be near the burning house (which is Sonoko's house, by the way ) and it catches fire.

[LifeDebt]

the tree screams in pain. (a scream that makes your blood run cold.)

[Sonoko]

Sonoko feels sorry for the tree but immediately fixates on the now gold Arkard.  She frees herself from the branches with a machete inflicting more pain on the tree and swings to the roof of her neighbors’ house with a collapsible steel grappling hook.  With the hook still in place, she lowers her body to the ground and captures the golden Arkard.  She sells Arkard for $20,000 on the black market to a strange lady in India for her male harem.   

[Arkard the Mad Science Experiment!]

After pocketing the $20,000 from the lady for being such a great addition to her harem, Arkard mails himself back to Sonoko's house. He sends himself first-class, so he can enjoy extra comfort and the free drinks. Arkard then proceeds to create a fake business in Sonoko's name, and uses it to launder money and commit other illicit deeds. The FBI catches on to this and arrests Sonoko after an unidentified tipster tells them that she is secretly known as Mother Hen, the biggest mob boss in Oregon.

[Sonoko]

Unknown to Arkard, Sonoko has been working for the CIA for many years.  She puts in a call to Langley securing her release from the FBI.  She returns home as the workers are pouring concrete for the new foundation of her home.  She shoves Arkard into the freshly poured cement, which hardens instantly.

[LifeDebt]

the ground below sonoko suddenly turns to silly putty, wrapings itself tightly in its sicky grip as she sinks to her hips in the fleshcolored ooze.

[Arkard the Mad Science Experiment!]

As Arkard is sinking into the cement, the gold starts reacting to the cement. Because of the strange chemical reaction, Arkard is able to float to the surface of the cement and walk on it. He walks up to where Sonoko is stuck in the ground and takes some of the silly putty from it. He sticks the silly putty in Sonoko's hair and proceeds to give her a really ugly Elvis hairdo.

[Sonoko]

Sonoko forms a guitar from ALL the silly putty and does her Elvis impersonation.  Singing Shake, Rattle & Roll, she knocks Arkard across the street with her hips.  Arkard lands on a fire hydrant and is attacked by mad dogs.

[Arkard the Mad Science Experiment!]

Fortunately, Arkard was able to get rid of the dogs by giving them all of the meat he had in his pockets. He then walks over to the nearest policeman and gets him to cite Sonoko for noise pollution, which incurs a heavy fine of $50,000.

[Quixjote]

Unfortunately with all of the dogs ravaging and making such a large ruckus, the Policeman didn't hear Sonoko with her Elvis impersonation.  After all, with a town as small as Ontario Oregon... You could hear those dogs from one corner to the other.  The policeman also points to a poster on the wall stating that there was an upcoming Elvis impersonation contest and says that Sonoko must just be practicing.

[Sonoko]

Sonoko ties up Arkard with the silly putty and throws him in the trunk of her car.  She drives to the state park (15 minutes away) and dumps Arkard into the Snake River.  She waves goodbye as he is trapped by the strong current.  Sonoko returns to town and wins the Elvis impersonation contest. 

[Arkard the Mad Science Experiment!]

Arkard escapes from the river by grabbing onto a passing speedboat. He then shows up at the Elvis contest and knocks Sonoko out with the use of a chloroform-soaked rag. He ties her to a chair and shaves off all of her hair. Arkard proceeds to glue a wig borrowed from Donald Trump to Sonoko's head with superglue.

[Sonoko]

Sonoko awakens to the nastiful smell of dead fish. Arkard is back from the river! She easily squirms loose from the chair and removes the Donald Trump wig, which is glued to her shaven Elvis wig.  She thinks about putting the wig on Arkard’s head, but decides he would not look good as a redhead with a receding hairline.  She uses the reminder of the superglue on the wig and whacks Arkard on the butt with it causing the wig to stick to the seat of his pants.

[LifeDebt]

the wig is NOT ammused

[Sonoko]

Sonoko does not care if the wig is amused or not.  However, she finds it extremely amusing to watch Arkard walk around.